It’s that time again, ladies and gents, a new blog post! This entry is going to be about the hard-hitting subject of bullying. I have first experience of bullying and it is tough because the bully or bullies make you feel like less of person and no one should have to suffer through it.
Simply put a bully is someone who uses their strength or influence to harm or intimidate people who seem weaker to them and they can force the bullied person into doing things they do not wish to do. So with that being said here is an open letter to my bullies.
If you are reading this you will know that I’m talking about you, and other bullies that read this will identify with you too. I want you to know that what you did or even if you are still doing it, you are not original – you’re a common bully. Personally I’ve had to types of bullies in my life: outright mean people that sought to bring me down and one I didn’t even know was bullying me until years after it began.
Firstly, I had the horrible people that verbally assaulted me and made my days at school torturous. It started when I was dating a really cute boy at Sixth Form. He was popular, sporty and cool, so basically everything the nerdy, goody-two-shoes me was not. I felt blessed that he liked me and just privileged not being invisible to the popular crowd; little did I know that this would prove to be my undoing. The boy I was dating got really drunk and someone videoed him saying humiliating things about me and inevitably it got shared with everyone on the internet. At the time I was on holiday and was not aware of the social homicide until I returned, by this point I was a laughing stock. I had people I didn’t know teasing me about the video around school and on the internet, I was so upset that I ended things with the boy responsible. This just made it worse for me however because now, not only was I a video star to be laughed at, I was also relentlessly teased for breaking up with someone so popular. People would yell his name at me, nudge me in the corridors and the boy himself even shoved me into my table before class started. I didn’t speak up about the bullying because I thought I should be able to handle it and I didn’t want to discuss with anyone the disgusting things that were talked about on the video. I was suffering from my worst bout of depression at the time and a huge anxiety grew; I didn’t want to go to school because I didn’t want to go to class or be bullied in the halls or be stared at in the common room. Eventually the fad passed and people began to leave me alone, but at the end of school a lot of people only remembered me for the boy I dated and the video they’d seen.
My second bully didn’t even feel like a bully while it was happening and it is only with hind sight and reflection do I realise how badly I was stuck in their influence. This bully was my best friend, and like all “BFFs” we were joint at the hip. She was awesome and I knew she was cooler than me, smarter than me and a lot prettier than me. I was in awe of her. Being fairly shy I had a few friends at school other than her but it was only a handful. It all seems very idyllic despite the odd arguments here and there. When I met new friends over the years, I began to notice how different it was being their friend to being friends with my best friend – was it because we were just so close? She was incredibly jealous of me spending time with my other friends and going to events/parties without her and it really changed my view of her. I realised that all along I was telling her all the things she wanted to here, but I was always her inferior and intimidated enough to stay stuck to her like glue. She made me feel special because I was her friend while keeping me on a tight leash and scared to leave her side by putting me down just enough to knock my confidence. It was emotionally manipulating. I was so angry when I realised and a lot of the anger was because I let it go on so long. I was angry at myself. I’ve let it go and moved on.
A lot of the bullying that I have been subject to has been emotional and verbal abuse rather than physical beatings or anything like that. It is so easy nowadays to become the subject of attacks online too.
I have one thing that is really important for me to get across though; even though these people tore me down again and again and probably permanently damaged my self-esteem, I have become a strong and empowered woman in spite of it. I have learnt not to, excuse my French, take crap from people that have to destroy the happiness of others to make themselves feel better. If you have to tear someone down to improve your self-worth then maybe it is you that needs the help and it is you I feel sorry for. As my mum has always said; “If you are mean to other people you won’t make any friends” and I believe this! There might be tonnes of people surrounding you but that’s because they don’t want to be on the receiving end of your torment not because they like you. Fear does not a friend make.
So do you really think that all you did/ are still doing is worth it?
Someone who is over your BS.
I hope you enjoyed this post, feel free to talk about your stories about bullying. See you soon, my lovelies!