It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I know and appreciate that I’ve been M.I.A for a while now so, if you’re reading this, I’m not going to apologise but thank you for sticking around and being patient. Some of you have a lot of questions, most of which I will probably answer in this post.
Where the hell have you been? What is going on?
I am back at home for the year, up in Midlands with my family. This year has been pretty rough on me and my mental health has slid quite far down a slippery slope. The beginning of the year dredged up old drama that has never fully been resolved, I have experienced personal drama at university that seriously sucked, and then my family has had to come to together for some pretty trying times over the summer. My anxiety and depressive moods were getting worse anyway and whilst trying to seek out medical care, I didn’t realise how urgent any of it was. I’ve been struggling trying to sort out what to do and how I am feeling, and I let it get too far. Last week, I went to A&E to speak to their mental health crisis team and we are beginning to formulate a plan of action.
So what happens now?
Some of you already knew I was back and were wondering what I’m going to be doing for my year out and the honest answer is that I don’t know. Right now, I’m focusing on getting better. This year isn’t time I’m going to be spent on a placement, but I do have some vague ideas going forward. I’m not dropping out of university (or at least not yet – joking!) and have got plans to attend again next September. I’m starting a 12-week group session next week to begin treatment. We’ll see how well they go and ultimately see if further treatment is needed.
Unfortunately, these issues will probably stick with me through the rest of my life and will occasionally get so bad bad that it will disrupt my life; it is a case of understanding and managing my mental health constantly. A lot of people feel uncomfortable when I bring up that I have mental health issues and feel like they need to walk on eggshells. Most of the time, despite my anxiety and depression being omnipresent and impacting daily on my life, it is manageable and tiptoeing around me is actually insulting. 1 in 4 people are diagnosed with some sort of mental illness at some point in their lives, so it is more common than you might think. At times, like these, where I am struggling, I probably will be checked out and will need a little bit more understanding from the people around me, but I am still me.
To everyone who has been there for me over the past few months, even if you’ve just dropped a little message asking how I’ve been, thank you. I know that I’ve been AWOL and I do appreciate the love and care you send my way. Just a warning that I will probably still be difficult in the coming days and I can’t say how long it will last. This is step one in another battle I have to face with personal demons, I won’t come out the other side unscathed but hopefully I’ll be a fighter. (May the odds and all that). Please continue to keep in contact and drop me a line, you know where I am if you need me. Love to you all. Be safe and love each other. x