On March 9th, I will officially be 2 and a half years clean of self-harm. *sighs deeply* Writing this post tears of happiness are actually welling up in my eyes. This post won’t be about what has happened to me, what I’ve struggled through and how rock-bottom I fell before I got the help I needed. Yes, that happened to me and yes, I am still depressed and suffer really badly with anxiety. This post is about the positivity in my life right now.
Today was fantastic, nay incredible. I haven’t this amount of unadulterated happiness in a very long time. I finally felt like my old self again, which I was convinced could never happen, and do you know what I did? I went to church.
Victoria and I have been looking for a great church to attend since we started living together in September and, due to the recommendation of another housemate, we attended St. Swithun’s Church this evening. The church is beautiful and it’s hard to put into words how the atmosphere made me feel but the best I can put it is: right at home. It is different from the traditional church services I attend at home, but, at university where everything is already so tense, it’s what I needed.
Getting home and laying back into bed, I cannot tell you how much my face hurts from laughing. We were introduced to some down-to-earth people that know how to make you laugh by just being themselves. And aren’t they always the best kind of people? When offered a ride to Sprinkles (the gelato and waffle parlour to go to in Bournemouth), there was no way we were going to turn it down. I stuffed my face with more sugar than I care to divulge and sat back to watch the dynamics of the group before me. Back at home, heart-to-hearts were shared as we worked through the last of the evening’s buzz and it was pointed out to me that my face should hurt like this a lot of the time. I should be filled with this love for life as often as possible.
Some days I’m going to confine myself to my bed and feel like the world is ending, but that’s okay when I have days like today that make me happy to be here. Whether an observer or participator, I’m happy to share my life with so many great people. Thank you to everyone that lights up my life and thank you for today. Big love to you all. x